It's like God shit irony all over that family
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
