Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
