yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
