I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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