I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
