I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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