Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
