No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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