WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
