He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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