You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
