My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
