I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
