There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i love accidental penises.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
