So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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