WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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