..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my poor anus
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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