I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
