Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
