btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
