it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
