I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
