I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
