I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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