The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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