I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
