It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
