soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
