I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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