I hope mine doesn't look like that
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
