I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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