Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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