Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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