You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
