I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
