And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize