woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
