Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
