Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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