and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
