ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
