Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
