They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
