I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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