did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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