Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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