Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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