Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
