Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
