Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Non-Jews are for practice
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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