Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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