Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how can u be prego again
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
