Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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