You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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