i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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