I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
