Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
