Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Life is so much better after having sex.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
