What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
