do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
