Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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