I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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