just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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