"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
