plz talk dirty to me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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